Party At Tsukiko's House!
by Fat Free KAP
Summary: Hey, Fat Free KAP here, letting people know about the Party At Tsukiko's house tonite! Multiple crossovers, including FLCL, Bleach, Eva, Bobobo, George Bush, Paranoia Agent, and Excel Saga! So please, R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Before you read this, there are a few things you should know. Goku is a raging drunk. Bobo-Bo Bobo-Bobo is a genius. Chi-Chi is an abused wife. The other things, you'll find out later. oh yeah, i don't own Dragon BallZ, Bobo-Bo Bobo-Bobo, Paranoia Agent, Neon Genesis Evangelion, or George Bush.

Chapter 1: Party

Tsukiko: (On the Phone) Yeah, no. Okay. See ya later Rei. (Hangs up) All right. Let's get this party started!

Bulma: Tsukiko, when are the others coming? (Doorbell rings)

Tsukiko: Oh, there's someone now. (Goes to door) Hey, Asuka!

Asuka: Yah, guten tag, mater. (Hangs up phone) Hey, Tsukiko! I hope you don't mind, but I brought Shinji.

Tsukiko: No prob, Asuka! Rei's here too.

Rei: (Coming from the hallway) Hey.

Bulma: Wait… I thought she was just 20 miles away, on the phone at her house.

Tsukiko: (Smiling) Yep.

Bulma: But… how… I mean… It doesn't… cucumber… oatmeal… feathers… ohhhhh! I get it! She dyed her hair!

Tsukiko: See, Bulma! I knew you'd figure it out.

Shinji: All right! Girl Club! (Everyone Stares at Shinji)

Goku: (From out front in his car) Hey! Nice party! If hang mind out I?

Chi-Chi: No, please, Goku. Enough! (Starts crying)

Tsukiko: We have vodka!

Goku: I'm in!

George Bush: My fellow Americans-

Tsukiko: We're Japanese.

GB: Damn. (Leaves)

Goku: Anyway, then I was like, 'Freiza? More like Fridge!' So then I… Oh my god! It's Majin Buu!

Chi-Chi: No! Please! Not again!

Goku: (Punching air) Ha! I've got you now! (Squirts ketchup everywhere) This is an incredibly gruesome fight!

Shinji: Hey Asuka, umm… remember that time you were in the hospital?

Asuka: When?

Shinji: Ya know… when you got really hurt, and stayed there for months?

Asuka: No. Why?

Shinji: Because… ummm… neither do I.

Asuka: Wait. If you don't remember it, how could you ask if I did?

Shinji: I dunno.

Rei: Whatever. Let's just party.

Bulma: Let's play spin the bottle!

Tsukiko: There are only two guys here…

Bulma: So?

Tsukiko: Never mind. Let's just watch a movie.

Shinji: (Smiling) I brought Brokeback Mountain!

Rei: No way.

Bulma: Yeah, let's watch it!

Tsukiko: Bulma, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Bulma: Wait, what? (Lil' Slugger attacks her)

Tsukiko: Alrighty then!

Will Tsukiko find the murderer?

Asuka: No.

Will Goku stop drinking?

Asuka: No.

Will Bobobo appear next chapter?

Asuka: No.

And what happened to Bulma?

Asuka: No.


	2. Tsukiko plays with Lil' Slugger's Bat

Chapter 2: Tsukiko plays with Lil' Slugger's Bat

Tsukiko: Hey, where'd this bat come from?

Bulma: Gee, I don't know…

Tsukiko: Bulma… who let you back in the house?

Shinji: Oh! I know! It was… (screen turns black)

_**WHY DO YOU PILOT THE EVA?**_

Shinji: Uhhhhh, I dunno.

_**DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'LL BE LIKED?**_

Shinji: Uhhhhhh, nope.

_**WELL, WORK WITH ME HERE.**_

Shinji: I'm trying, but it just isn't working. Why do you all hate me! I'm so emotionally cornered!

Tsukiko: Oh, really? (Hits Shinji with the bat)

Asuka: Oh my god! You killed Shinji!

Rei: You bastard!

Tsukiko: That's it! (Hits Rei and Asuka)

Goku: Wow. That sucks… let's break out the whiskey! WEEEEEEEEEEE!

Chi-Chi: Oh man… this looks like a job for… Cat Woman! And we all know there's only one way to become Cat Woman… (Shoves Tsukiko's cat in her mouth) Mmw mmts moemy mime mummil my murn mimu (Swallows cat) Cat Woman! (Chi-Chi grows cat ears and black leather appears on her body)

Tsukiko: Wow. That's really gross.

Goku: Yeah, you ate a CAT!

Tsukiko: No, not that. It's just… well… She's pregnant.

Goku: Really! Is it mine?

Tsukiko: There's only one way to find out! MAURY!

(Later on the Maury show)

Maury: Now, this is Chi-Chi Catwoman.

(Column appears under Chi-Chi, saying 'Psycho chick who ate cat and became Catwoman. Wants a paternity test to see if Goku is the father of her baby)

Maury: She's here to find out if her husband of approximately 35 years is the father of her baby. (Goku is shown in the back, crossing his arms and rocking back and forth.)

Chi-Chi: God, do you have to be so annoying? They can just read the subtitles!

Maury: Anyway, here's what Goku has to say.

(Shows annoying montage of Goku, goes back to Chi-Chi crying)

Maury: Now how does this make you feel?

Chi-Chi: Well, apparently I'm crying for no reason.

(Goku comes out, crowd boo's)

Goku: Yeah #$ ya little hes!

Maury: Okay… ('THE RESULTS ARE IN' appears in big letters under him) The results are in!

Tsukiko: God! I've had it! (yells out) Hey Maury! Your family died in a plane crash!

Maury: What! Oh god! I'm suddenly emotionally cornered!

Tsukiko: Haha! (Hits him with the bat)

Goku and Chi-Chi: Now we'll never know! Why! Why! Why!

(Tsukiko hits them with the bat)

Tsukiko: Weeeeee! (Hits everyone in the crowd with the bat)


	3. Goku Gone Wild

Thank you all who reviewed my story. All two of you. Any way, this chapter is about what happens when Kagome from Inuyasha, Bobobo, and Sakura from Naruto enter the party. Oh, and I don't own any characters whatsoever in this story.

Tsukiko: Hey everyone, it's Tsukiko. You may remember me from chapters one and two. Well, I was pretty bad when I hit all of the people in the story. But in order to move the story along, we'll pretend that they are all back to normal.

Goku: I really don't 'hic' see what the problem is.

Tsukiko: Well, I wouldn't expect you to.

Goku: Hey! Good point.

Chi-Chi: Wait, so last chapter was pointless?

Tsukiko: Yep. Utterly pointless. Except when we made fun of Maury.

Sakura: Yeah, that was histerical.

Asuka: Who are you?

Sakura: Well, I'm Sakura. Everyone thinks I'm some innocent little princess on the outside, but on the inside, I'm a total b.

Rei: Really now. Well, we were just gonna play a game called "Let's go beat up Bobobo".

Kagome: Count me in!

Shinji: Where are all of these people coming from?

Kagome: Just somewhere.

Shinji: That explains everything.

Kagome: Really

Goku: No!

Bobobo: Hey! I'm back! Turns out there aren't any Laffy Taffies at the candy shop. (Goku punches his stomach)

Goku: Take that, Buu! I am Goku! Defender of the universe. I will protect everything innocent. The world is safe now.

Shinji: Shut the hell up, Goku.

Kagome: Yeah, you say that every three seconds.

Goku: No I- "I am Goku! Defender of the universe. I will protect everything innocent. The world is safe now.

Kagome: See! Told you!

Goku: Guess your- "I am Goku! Defender of the universe. I will protect everything innocent. The world is safe now.

Rei & Asuka: Shut up!

Goku: Guess I'm gonna have to stop drinking…

Chi-Chi: Yes! Please! For the love of God, yes!

Goku: On the other hand, it does help my attitude problems, like that time I visited South Park.

(Flashback)

Mayor: Welcome to South Park, Mr. Goku. (Goku is drinking a barrel of beer) I'm sure you'll like your tour guides.

Cartman: Hey, why are you Asian? (Goku frowns at him. Goku blasts a beam at him and Kenny laughs. Goku shoots Kenny)

(End Flashback)

Kagome: Wait, what does that have to do with anything?

Goku: Exactly.

Bulma: Hey, wanna give this story a plot? (Everyone stares at her)

Bobobo: Hey, wanna not give this story a plot? (Everyone nods)

Announcer: What do you think, America? Vote in your reviews. Remember, you decide. (We reserve the right to lie to you, America.)

Sorry it took like a month to update. See you soon.


	4. The real chapter title didn't fit

Tsukiko: I'd just like to let you know that the author of this story doesn't own anything but the script. Not even me.

Asuka: What are you talking about?

Tsukiko: I don't know…

Chapter 4: Who Wants to Be A Person With Lots Of Money

Tsukiko: Well, America, you've voted, and the total result:

With Plot: 0

Without Plot: 0

Bulma: But, wait! That's a tie! There's only one thing to do! We have to play a game to decide! Whoever wants a plot with me, and without one with Tsukiko. (Everyone walks over to Tsukiko)

Tsukiko: Well, how about… Who Wants to Be A Person With Lots Of Money?

Bulma: Okay! (Pulls out a gun) Let's get started! Question One: Name the anime the character Harumi Chono is from.

Tsukiko: Oh, that's easy! Paranoia Agent.

Bulma: What's Paranoia Agent?

Tsukiko: How should I know?

Bulma: Because you just answered the question.

Tsukiko: Oh yeah. Was I right?

Bulma: Yep. Okay. Take the gun. You know what to do.

Tsukiko: I sure do! (Points the gun at Bulma. Punches a wall in her room.) OOOOUUUUCCCHHH! That hurt!

Bulma: Well, I'm bored.

Goku: Burp!

Rei: Disgusting.

Shinji: Well, how about we play Peter Pan? (Bobobo slaps Shinji)

Bobobo: No! But, now that you mention it, I am kinda hungry.

Shinji: What?

Bulma: Let's make snacks!

Shinji: What?

Tsukiko: I'll get the tuna!

Shinji: What are you talking about?

Goku: Hey, Tsukiko, where's you're parent's room?

Tsukiko: At the end of the hallway.

Goku: Thanks.

Asuka: Why did you ask that?

Goku: The Sagi Family is known for it's alcoholic background. They'll have a truckload in their closet.

Asuka: Yeah, right.

Shinji: Whatever. Let's just eat.

Goku: But I'm really thirsty. I'll be right back. (Asuka and Goku go into Tsukiko's parents' room. When they open up the closet, bottles of beer pour out of the closet. Asuka and Goku poke their heads out of the bottles. As Asuka opens her mouth to talk, more pours out over them.)

Goku: Ha! I told you! I SO fing told you!

Asuka: Damn it I hate you Goku.

Chi-Chi: Goku? What are you doing? (When she sees the beer, her pupils grow large) Oh god. It's… so… beautiful… all that goodness…

Goku: Chi-Chi! No!

Chi-Chi: MUST… HAVE… BEER!

Asuka: What's her obsession with beer?

Goku: I'll tell you.

Asuka: Really?

Goku: Next chapter!

So, how much did this chapter stink? Please review.


	5. ChiChi's Problem

Chapter 5: Chi-Chi's Problem

RKO Master: What's up everyone? So, how's the folks? Good. That's great. Hope you have a nice time with Chi-Chi! Well it seems about time to introduce a main plot, so here we go!

Goku: Well, Asuka, guess it's about time I tell you about Chi-Chi's little 'discovery of alcohol'.

Asuka: Okay!

Goku: It all started about 4 months into her pregnancy with Gohan…

(Goku is fighting with Vegeta inside a liquor store)

Goku: I'll kill you, Vegeta!

Vegeta: Not if I kill you first!

Goku: KAMEHAME…

Vegeta: Wait a minute.

Goku: (Powering down) What?

Vegeta: Why do you have to say the name of your attacks before you use them?

Goku: Gee, guess I just wanna help the readers understand what I'm doing.

Vegeta: What readers?

Goku: I could ask you the same question.

Vegeta: I've caught you off guard! (punches Goku in the stomach) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What now, sucka?

Goku: Little do you know that your punch has got me in the perfect position for my attack! HA! (Blasts the coolers with all the bud light) FLOOD ATTACK!

Chi-Chi: (At the register) Yeah, I'd like a MegaBucks, Super Lotto, Mega Jackpot, and Ultra Winners.

Clerk: That'll be twenty two cents. (bud light wave comes crashing down onto Chi-Chi)

(End Flashback)

Asuka: Wait, you're telling me that you caused your family to be alcoholics?

Goku: That's right!

Tsukiko: Hey, guys, come to the kitchen! We found something!

(Approx. 2 minutes and 38 seconds later)

Bobobo: What is it?

Shinji: I don't know… (pokes something off screen with a stick)

Kagome: Don't startle it. (a roar shatters a glass of water she's holding)

Nami: It's… the 'c' word…(Screen turns to what everyone's staring at)

Asuka: It's… _corn._

Nami: Is that a sutitable snack?

Corn: Ha! You didn't see through my disguise!

Tsukiko: What?

Corn: You see, I'm actually… Naruto Uzemaki! Woo hoo! Harem jutsu!

Shinji: No! Please! Stop! Not girls! We have enough!

Naruto: Fine. But now, we'll fight!

Goku: I don't get it.

Naruto: Me and the League of People Who Aren't Too Fond of Being Good are going to invade this party!

Rei: Let me guess: You, Kaoru, Lil' Slugger, Inuyasha, Vegeta, and Hali Culani are the League of People Who Aren't Too Fond of Being Good.

Naruto: That's right! And we are going to prank you all!

Tsukiko: Wait, freeze frame. (Everyone freezes) Oh man! Who's getting pranked first? I don't know… looks like we need you again america! So, who do you think should get pranked? How?

I know what you're thinking. '_I waited this long for this crap?'_ Well, I promise a new update every two weeks at max. So now, any suggestions would be very appreciated. So, please review.


	6. The Ole' Book of Pranks

Disclaimer: Odds are I do not own any of this. In fact, I'm pretty sure I don't. Do I? Do you? Are you with the government? I'm not. I won't tell you anything!

Chapter 6: The Ole' Book of Pranks

Naruto: So, who should we prank first?

Hali: How about Tsukiko?

Vegeta: Yes. My intellect says that that is a good idea. And since when does my mind lie?

Inuyasha: Damn. Damn damn. Damn damn damn. Dammity Damn! Supremo Damn!

Lil' Slugger: Inuyasha's right. We should prank her first. But how?

All: The Ole' Book of Pranks!

Kaoru: How about prank number 12-B?

All: EVIL LAUGHTER!

Announcer: Meanwhile…

(Naota and Haruko are ringing Tsukiko's doorbell)

Haruko: ARINGARINGARINGA!

Naota: Do you have to imitate it everytime you hear it?

Haruko: Why yes I do, Takkun! Now, where are they…

(Everyone is bunched together)

Tsukiko: Here we are!

Haruko: Good. I was getting bored.

Tsukiko: You think you have it bad? We have the League of People Who Aren't Too Fond of Being Good after us!

Haruko: Stupid. We sat out here for like… How long, Takkun?

Naota: About thirty seconds.

Tsukiko: Oh yeah? Well, I'm severely depressed!

Haruko: Well, I never get depressed! Consider yourself lucky!

Tsukiko: Well, my anime was so totally awesome!

Haruko: Mine was better, and it was only half the length!

Tsukiko: Oh yeah? Well, my dog died!

Haruko: Oh, too bad! I have to travel to the ends of the galaxy to find my true love and depending on if you watched the anime or read the manga, either Takkun fell in love with me or I fell in love with him!

Tsukiko: So what? Lil' Slugger hit me in the head!

Haruko: Why does that bother you?

Tsukiko: Because he came out of my head!

Haruko: So? I make things come out of Takkun's head all the time.

Tsukiko: Prove it!

(Haruko bashes Naota's head in with her bass guitar. Takkun's body is motionless on the ground.)

Haruko: See!

Tsukiko: You killed him.

Haruko: Gasp! Oh my god I killed him! This boy is one- hundred percent dead! Oh no! What am I going to do! I just killed an innocent littele boy! (Kneels down next to him) Come back to life! (Kisses him, screen freezes)

(Backstage)

Haruko: Man, those slow- motion scenes are a killer. You have to hold your breathe for a really long time.

Naota: What? YOU were doing the slow motion? I thought it was a special effect!

Takkun: (Back to Tsukiko's House) EEEEWWWW! What was that?

Haruko: CPR. What did you think it was?

Tsukiko: Did she use her tounge?

Naruto: Gotcha! (The League of People Who Aren't Too Fond of Being Good jump out of nowhere onto Tsukiko and beat her to a pulp)

Vegeta: Ha! Who's our next victim?

Ashton Kutcher: Rei, Asuka, and Shinji, you have just gotten PUNK'D!

Naruto: Now you have to leave the house!

Asuka: Who said?

Mel Gibson: I did!

Asuka: Oh man!

Well, there's chapter 6. please review.


	7. Naruto Makes An Oopsies

It's Been a While, but PATH is back! Sorry for the wait, but to all ten of my beloved fans, and all five that waited, here's my new chapter. Heehee… I had to watch some anime to get some new content. Hope ya like it!

Chapter 7: Naruto Makes an Oopsies!!

Naruto: Heeheehee! What's going to be our next super evil plan?

Vegeta: Well, I'm kinda bored, so how about we kill something?

Hali Culani: Like who? (Vegeta blasts his head off)

Vegeta: You.

Inuyasha: … … … … DAMN!

Lil' Slugger: Hm. Well. Let's go. We have some people to prank.

Naruto: Wait!

(in Tsukiko's room)

Goku: What are we going to do? The People Who Aren't Too Fond of Being Nice are still after us.

Nami: Yeah. I hope we don't die.

Chi-Chi: Great way of looking at it, Nami.

Tsukiko: Haruko? You're the alien. What do we do?

Haruko: We eliminate the problem. That's what. And to do that, we must… eliminate Naruto.

Naota: How do you suppose we do that?

Haruko: Well, I would normally just put a nuke down his throat, but I suppose we could prank him back.

Kagome: I have a great idea! Get me some warm water!

(in the kitchen… I mean "The People Who Aren't Too Fond Of Being Nice" headquarters)

Naruto: Wow. I'm tired. I think I'll take a nap. (falls asleep)

Haruko: Now… (puts Naruto's hand in glass of warm water)

Naruto: Hey! (wakes up) What the… (pees himself) Dammit!

Vegeta: Did you just say… Inuyasha's word?

Inuyasha: Dammity damn damn damn bastard damn.

Naruto: You're right. I'm sorry. I do need to. But… I just… (explodes)

Vegeta: Woah! (Vegeta and Lil' Slugger blow up)

Tsukiko: What the hell got accomplished in the past hour?

Nami: Nothing…

Bobobo: So then, I guess we beat the League…

Haruko: What's with all the dot dot dots?

Naota: What do you mean?

Haruko: Well, the story gets boring if the writer uses the same puncuation time after time again.

Naota: Wait! We have a writer?

KAP: Yeah, it's me.

Naota: Wow. Why do you suck?

KAP: Asshole. (Naota punches himself in the face)

Naota: What the hell?

KAP: As you can plainly see, I control you're entire existance in this story.

Naota: But… then why do you have me arguing?

KAP: It makes the readers excited.

Naota: Readers? We have people who read this shit?

KAP: Don't use such naughty language.

Naota: You're making me…

KAP: Shut up, man. You are soooo annoying. Just go with it.

Naota: Thanks, KAP, you are sooo awesome.

KAP: I know. I know.

Naota: Yeah. Wait, HEY! I didn't want to say that. I hate you!

KAP: Wow…

Naota: Loser!!

KAP: Your mom's a loser.

Naota: Okay, someone get this guy out of here.

(Haruko bashes KAP's head in)

KAP: Why the hell did I write that?

Haruko: What a waste of a chapter.

Hey there, PATH faithful! Sorry it took forever to update, I've been busy with… um… stuff. So many different kinds of stuff. But now, I'M FINALLY DONE!!!!!!! With this chapter.


	8. Super Fruits

Hello Path lovers! I'd like to thank some people that made this chapter possible.

Mom

Dad

Big Sister

My Agent

Kenny

Ashley

God

Chapter 8: A New Threat Emerges! The Attack of The Super Fruits!

(Everyone is sitting in a circle)

Tsukiko: And it was thiiiiiiiiiis big! (Holds out hands)

Chi-Chi: Wow. That must have been so delicious! Goku never gives me any lately…

(Bobobo comes in)

Bobobo: What in the big blue hell are you talking about?

Tsukiko: Burger King. Why?

Bobobo: Oh… no reason. (zips up pants)

Goku: I just wanna liiiieeevvve!!!

Naota: Oh god! (ears bleed)

KAP: That's what you get, asshole.

Haruko: Yeah, Takkun. You should try not being a dick.

(Shinji appears out of nowhere)

Shinji: Who said dick? Where?

(Everyone stares)

Shinji: Damn. False alarm.

Shuichi (Gravitation): Dick? Who said dick?

Shinji: It's a false alarm, Shuichi.

Shuichi: So no one said dick?

Yugi: Who said…

All: FALSE ALARM, FRUIT!

Yuki (Fruits Basket): Did someone say-

All: FALSE ALARM!!!

Yuki: Aww…. No one said fruit?

Sasuke: What? Who's gay? I am.

Nami: What's with all the fags?

Shippo: That word is offensive!

Tsukiko: Wait, pause. I just realized something. How the hell did all of you get into my gosh darn house?

Shippo: You just let me in.

Tsukiko: So… who are you guys?

Yugi: We're… YSSYSS! Or, The Super Fruits!

Shuichi: We came from the state of Massachusetts and journey around the world for queer rights.

KAP: Okay, hold on. (everyone freezes and KAP waddles to midscreen) If any of this offends people of the homosexual orientation, I only have this to say: Too bad. Carry on. (Unfreeze!)

Tsukiko: Gasp!

End chapter.


	9. Strawberry

Hey guys. Sorry bout the wait. Now I have some other anime to use.

Chapter 9: Strawberry

Tsukiko: How in the world are we going to stop the Super Fruits from destroying us all? Or making us gay?

Nami: There's only one person to call for the job.

Tsukiko: Ghostbusters!

Nami: No, but that gives me an idea.

Bobobo: What?

Nami: We are going to crank call… Rukia.

Chi-Chi: From Bleach?

Nami: Exactly. Good thing I stole this phone from the Soul Society Store.

God: There is no Soul Society. There is only heaven.

Kagome: Shut the hell up, God. You always ruin all the fun. Besides, HEAVEN? That is soooooo unrealistic.

Nami: Now. (pulls out phone) Let's do this. (texts Rukia) Now, I just told her that there is a Hollow in the house. No one move. (Hole bursts through the wall)

Ichigo: I'm here to save the day. I can see ghosts!

Goku: Oh, big man! _I can see ghosties!_ Big whoop.

Ichigo: Well, can you?

Goku: Listen to me, mister. I see a lot of things. I mean, a lot of things. But that is only when Chi-Chi buys me my stuff. But ghosts isn't one of them.

Ichigo: Well I can. So let me kill the Hollow.

Rukia: Go, Ichigo, while I root from the sidelines and get nothing accomplished!

Ichigo: Okay, make me a Soul Reaper! (Rukia hits him with the glove) Ouch, dammit that hurt! Why the hell did you do that?

Rukia: Idiot!

Ichigo: Your mom's an idiot!

Haruko: Too far, man.

Ichigo: So… where's the Hollow?

Naota: (shoots himself but lives through the intense pain) Damn you KAP! Why did you do that? It hurts so bad.

KAP: Maybe that'll teach ya to get involved in the conversation!

Naota: You are writing the story!

KAP: Oh, yeah. (shoots himself but lives through the intense pain) Damn you KAP!

Haruko: So… What do you guys wanna do now?

Ichigo: Weren't we supposed to fight Hollows?

Rukia: Why should we care? We're getting paid anyway.

Ichigo: Good point.

Bobobo: Break out the chocolate! (Starts chugging chocolate milk)

All: CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!

Tsukiko: Now THIS is a party!

Nami: Yeah! What fun!

Shippo: Isn't Ichigo soooo sexy in that shirt? (all pause and stare) Oh, wait… I'm on a mission… that's right. GAY POWDER!!! (sprinkles gay powder onto Bobobo)

Bobobo: Fabulous!

Shippo: Excellent.

Haruko: Hey Ichigo!

Ichigo: Yeah?

Haruko: (points at Shippo) There's the Hollow.

Ichigo: YAH! (stabs Shippo to death) Now, to the next Hollow!

Tsukiko: Won't you stay and have some punch?

Ichigo: To the kitchen!


	10. Long Live The Gay Lords

Chapter 10: Long Live the Gay Lords

Disclaimer: As much as I would like to, I must admit that I do _not_ own any of the anime characters that are mentioned in this story.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naota: Damn those YSSYSS members! You know what? I hopte they go to hell, Satan rips their eyes out, and starts raping their eye sockets.

Haruko: Silly Takkun. They'd like it.

Naota: I hope Satan's a woman.

Haruko: That's just not nice.

Naota: Yeah, I really _excel_ in those things... (Excel appears)

Haruko: Yeah! And I really Hyatt! (Hyatt appears)

Excel: Hey! What are you making crappy nonsense jokes for? That's my job! And isn't this originally a Paranoia Agent fanfic?

Hyatt: I guess. But... why should we care? Obviously KAP likes us more than Tsukiko, Senior Excel.

Tsukiko: Wait, what? (gets hit by a meteor)

Hyatt: How utterly convienent! (Throws up blood all over Naota)

Excel: Oh my! Looks like Ha-chan is gonna die again. Well, someone get the body bag cuz we're gonna be needing one. Oh, wait no. She's alive. Nevermind. Yes, I'd like a medium four cheese pizza with extra sauce! Just kiding, Ha-chan. Wow. You sure are easy to fool. I wonder why I talk so much. It's probably to get the attention my boobs don't already give me. Oh man. Sure is hot out. I wish I could blow up the sun. I probably could. Note to self- get Lord IlPalazzo to buy a nuke. No more sun! Ka-boom!

Hyatt: Senior Excel?

Excel: What is it, Ha-chan?

Hyatt: Shut the f--- up, please, Senior.

Haruko: So, any plans to beat YSSYSS?

Naota: Way to ruin the fun, you bitch.

Shuichi: Who said dick? No one? Good. (puts on a du-rag) Cuz dat is our word. Speaking of us, we need leaders, so here's a ballad sheet. (Hands everyone sheets) Now, the two winners will be the ones who will make the whole world gay. (Goes away)

Haruko: I am so voting for Yugi and Shinji.

Excel: I'm voting for Yuki and Bobobo.

Haruko: Well, since we've voted for two different pairs, there's only one thing to do.

Excel: I'm way ahead of you. (rips off clothes)

Haruko: No, I meant a battle.

Excel: Fine, but KAP wants to update right now, so we will... next chapter!

Goku: I will defend the universe.

KAP: (Everyone Freezes) So, ladies, gentlemen, assorted religious figures, please review.


	11. Haruko vs Excel!

Chapter 11: Haruko versus Excel!

Previously on PATH, several things happened that lead up to an intense battle between Haruko and Excel. The choices for who would turn the world gay were staggering, and Haruko and Excel chose different people.

Haruko: I will destroy you!!!

Excel: Not if I destroy me first!

Nami: What the hell are they doing?

Hyatt: This is what Senior Excel likes to call a happy yelling time.

Excel: Yeah, and you are gonna get it, you copycat!

Shinji: I really don't understand why you have to fight over this.

Haruko: So is your face.

Shinji: Dammit. Walked right into that one.

Excel: Ya know, with his behavior, it's really easy to imagine his father leaving him for an emotionless little thing like Rei.

Haruko: Where were we? (Bashes Excel's head with guitar)

Excel: (from behind Haruko) That would have worked if I hadn't eaten Goku and absorbed his powers!

Hyatt: What a twist!

Haruko: Really? Well, I… you're stupid!

Hyatt: Wow.

Naota: You know, these two suck.

Haruko: Yah! (Hits Excel with random boot)

Excel: Exterminate time. (Punches Haruko in the face)

Haruko: That's it. I didn't want to do this, but you forced me to. Megazord! Go!

(cue Power Rangers Theme)

Excel: Well well well… well. Well well. Wishing well. Wish. Fish. Anyway, I also have a giant thing! Go Evangelion Unit 02! (Jumps into Eva) Let's use the knife.

Haruko: Activate super lazers!

Red Ranger: Okay!

Excel: Hey! No fair! You have the Red Ranger.

Haruko: Your fighting object is alive so don't give me that. Mine is just a giant robot made poorly from little robots.

Excel: Can yours do this? (stabs Megazord in chest)

Haruko: No. But it can do this. (rips Eva's arm off)

Excel: Ahhhhhhh god the pain! Wait, why don't I just detach the wires that connect the pain?

Blue Ranger: That would be smart.

Excel: Thank you!

Haruko: And you wonder why people hate you, Bluey.

Red Ranger: Attack! (Megazord tackles Eva 02)

Hyatt: Go Senior Excel!

Excel: Dammit, I can't look bad in front of Ha-chan. I need to keep her in this good mood. Who knows what she's really like.

(Flashback)

Hyatt: (Dressed in a purple dress suit and a pink hat, talking to a ho) Now if you don't get out there and earn Daddy some money, I guess Daddy's gonna have to bring out the chains. (Ho stares in horror)

(End flashback)

(Evangelion Unit 02 is thrashing on the ground)

Haruko: While you were having your unnecessary flashback, I severed all of Eva's limbs! Take that!

Excel: Don't ask how, but while you were gloating, I chopped off Megazord's left leg!

Red Ranger: Dammit! That's where the balls were!

Excel: So what now?

Haruko: Well, logically, we are fighting for no reason, so how's about we call it quits?

Both: … Fuck that!

Excel: Self destruct! (Blows them all up, the entire world dies) Now how's that for Third Impact?

Will of the Macrocosem: Excel, I will restore all of the world with my magical powers just the way it was before you blew it up. Let's go!

To be continued.

Next Chapter I promise to include some Chobits and Chibi Vampire.


	12. Is She Really A Vampire?

Hello and welcome to the first PATH chapter written for the DBZ audience. Sadly, this chapter will not have much DBZ, for those of you who expected it after reading all of the other chapters. But, I promise that the next chapter will include several major DBZ villains. Well, let's all sit back and enjoy chapter 12!

Chapter 12: Is she really a Vampire?

Nami: Well, thank god everything got restored!

Chi-Chi: Yeah, and the Will of the Macrocosm was even nice enough to get rid of YSSYSS.

Excel: Besides, the author was getting a lot of heat for such a controversial story arch.

Tsukiko: If you can call these archs…

Bulma: Hey, Tsukiko, mind if I call my friend, Karin Maaka? I'd love to have her over!

Tsukiko: No prob, Bulma. Just as long as you don't annoy us for the rest of the night.

(Karin walks into the room)

Goku: Wow, that was fast. But I'll be back. I'm hungry. (leaves)

Tsukiko: Yeah! Let's all get something to eat!

(everyone but Karin, Bulma, and Hyatt leave)

Karin: Wow… my blood… just keeps increasing… (looks at Bulma and Hyatt) Um… I'm sooo sorry for this… but… (bites Hyatt) There. Now I've injected her with my blood. (Hyatt explodes) Wow. Guess she didn't really need all that much… but I still need to get rid of more… (walks out of room, leaves Bulma staring in shock)

Bulma: She's… a frickin vampire! (runs into kitchen and finds Nami) Oh, Nami, thank God! I have something important to tell you!

Nami: What?

Bulma: (Looks around) Karin… is a vampire.

Nami: Bulma, is this some kind of joke to make yourself more relevant to the plot?

Bulma: I'm not sure how to answer that question…

Nami: There is no way in hell there are such things as vampires. I mean, giant robots, Saiyans, Evas, ghosts, Soul Reapers, Gumgum pirates, ninja who summon giant toads, and even a tv show like the View I can understand are real. But Vampires? You are so naïve.

Bulma: I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true! She's a vampire!

Nami: Yeah, right. (Karin walks up behind her and injects her) What the… (blows up)

Karin: Wow. I am having such bad luck today.

Bulma: Noooooo! (runs into Mr. and Mrs. Sagi's room, where she finds Goku and Naota lying on the ground, dead) Why is everyone dying?!

Karin: Those two were… soooo unlucky.

Bulma: Son of a bitch! (runs to Tsukiko's room) Tsukiko!

Tsukiko: Yeah?

Bulma: Karin's a vampire!

Tsukiko: Really? Well, there's only one way to stop her! Give her something with no blood!

Bulma: Brilliant! What do you have in mind?

Chi: Chi?

Tsukiko: This is Chi. She's… a Persocom.

Bulma: A what?

Tsukiko: In a nutshell, an Android. (Goku bursts through the wall)

Goku: What? Where are the androids? I'll protect you guys.

Bulma: Weren't you just dead?

Goku: Yes, but I've died like twenty times. One more isn't going to hurt.

Bulma: Good Point.

Chi: Chi! Chi! I am Chi. Chi I am! Chi likes Hideki. Hideki is Chi's special someone.

Tsukiko: Yeah, that's great Chi. Oh, b-t-w, you're a robot. He's a human. Get over yourself. (Chi starts to cry)

(Karin appears and sees Chi crying)

Karin: Yes! (Jumps onto Chi) Yes! Take it, ho! (Bites Chi.)

Chi: What are you doing?

Tsukiko: Wait. You can suddenly talk?

Chi: I don't see what the problem with that is.

Karin: Hello? This is kinda my scene.

Bulma: Oh, right. Now, Karin, betcha didn't count on Chi being a Persocom!

Karin: Actually, I did. So I got these. (Pulls out a small box reading 'Fangs that Work On Robots')

Tsukiko: Damn. (Chi blows up)

(Haruko and Excel run in)

Haruko: Hey, Maa-chan!

Karin: Haruko!

Haruko: Hey, Maa-chan, do you mind taking this pill? It will stop all the bleeding you experience forever.

Karin: Really? Oh thank you! (takes pill)

Haruko: Well, now that that's all set, let's go get ice cream. (everyone goes into kitchen) Would you look at that. No ice cream. Well, Karin, can you go get some? Here's five bucks. (Karin walks outside) Now! (Excel pushes a button and Karin explodes outside)

Excel: Yes! One more problem taken care of!


End file.
